Can you share your story, please?
People keep saying that talking about what happened will help you go through the problem. As you mentioned this will only be for your significant other so I want to give it a try. I have never talked about it to anybody till now.
My father left us when I was 13. We lived in a trailer outside the city. Life was hard but my mother made sure that I continue school. I would go help her with her work after school and we were still going on with life but I could see she was breaking down day by day.
She was only 40 when I become 17. It was the time everybody my age was getting ready for college. I was working as a waitress after school till late at night. It was a busy Saturday night at the restaurant when my aunt called me and said go home go now I’m also on my way meet you there. She never called me so I knew something bad should have happened but didn’t know what. I rushed home when got there I saw the trailer is burning. I was shocked and couldn’t feel my legs I sat down and watched firemen trying to put it off. I remember thinking if my mom figures out about it she will for sure have a heart attack. I tried calling her but her phone was off so I just sat there waiting for my mom to come but my aunt arrives and hugs me while crying and saying I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m here for you!
I didn’t know what she was sorry for is it the trailer? After putting the fire out one of the firemen came to me and said my condolences that was when it hit me. I ran into the trailer the door was still hot and burned my hand but I didn’t care. There were people around a burned body trying to cover her. I can’t describe it but you can imagine what I saw at that moment.
I literally couldn’t talk for 2 days. I was trying I wanted to talk at her funeral, at her tomb but it was like my tongue wouldn’t move.
After a while, my aunt showed me a message from my mom sending her talking about her plan for burning up the trailer and herself for insurance money. It seems if she was inside the trailer the money would be significant. She planned it for more than a year but did it the night she send the message.
I always imagine how many times she killed herself in her mind during that year. All that times didn’t she think about what will happen to me emotionally?
I’m 36 years old now with a daughter that I have sworn I will never leave alone.
How to go on?
I guess my boyfriend (now husband) was the only thing that helped me go through it. So you can help her.
You don’t need to do any magical thing just be there for her. Let her know you can understand her you see her you know she’s mourning.
Tell her it will get easier.
Is there a memory or anything about your lost one to share?
YES! I was working in the restaurant when suddenly everyone in the restaurant (chef, colleagues and even the customers) started singing a happy birthday song for me while leading me to a table where she was sitting with my favorite homemade birthday cake.
I was happy that night.
Whatever happened make sure you know that it wasn’t your fault. It was her decision.
She loved you. Love her, miss her but start living again.